SPOT me coming

     As soon as I heard the news that Logan Airport is starting a new one billion dollar program based on the highly successful airport interrogations of travelers done by Israelis, I knew us stutterers were screwed. The program is called Screening Passengers by Observation Techniques, or SPOT, which will identify potential terrorists just by the way they act, speak and breath during questioning. SPOT also stands for Stutterers Prepare to Open Trousers. I might as well just go to the airport naked and save the time it will take to strip down for the cavity search I'll surely be getting. The interrogators will be looking for increased heart rate, any breathing irregularities, shifting pupils, skin color changes, sweating , Adam's apple movement, and any obvious or subtle body shifts or tics. Essentially, everything that happens to stutterers anytime we say anything. We're going to end up on more No Fly Lists than Islamic clerics from Yemen. 
   There is no one more suspicious-acting than a stutterer waiting in a line to be interviewed. We actually radiate heat depending on how nervous we are. The man wearing a suicide vest isn't as anxious. To help us navigate through this insensitive process with less stress, we should be issued ID cards from a National Data Base of Stutterers funded by the government if we are now going to go through this every time we travel. I can just imagine what a hard time innocent Arab stutterers will have. They'll wind up being water-boarded by the time they're able to say their name, address, phone number, and reason for traveling.
       On the other hand, what happens if radical Islamists start recruiting stuttering Muslims to intentionally throw off the interrogators and ease their suspicions enough to get a stuttering terrorist on board a flight. Hopefully, he'll be too worried about stuttering to announce out loud that the plane is being hijacked, and he'll watch a movie instead.